Ladaloop

frusteration...

2009-01-20T21:26:00.002-05:00

ok...so i haven't written in this in like..2 years. and i really never had planned to write in a blog (well at least this one) again...especially this one since no one reads it. but i need to write my thoughts down somewhere...and putting them out on the internet where they can be read...it just gives me relief somehow..i guess it does for all blog writers.

well anyways...write now i'm in the middle of my senior year. i am really dying inside...i just need to get out of here...start fresh...start over...start NEW...and start free. yeah i know, it won't be totally different...that is college and high school. but i just need to get out of the small town atmosphere...where i need to continuously prove myself. i want to succeed and everything in college...but i think there will be a little bit less pressure...of course not much...but a little. right now my parents are driving me insane..particularly my mom for some reason. this isn't normal...normally its my dad...of course i don't talk a lot to him anyways...but my mom is freaking out about every little thing about college...scholarships, deadlines, acceptance letters, financial aid...its just soooo anoying. she comes home with stories about how colleagues sons/daughters are asking her if i have heard back from any...and shes like no...and thats how its supposed to be...and she knows that...but its like she constantly has to let me know about it. deep down, i am dying to know where i'm going to school. i hate the question right now, do you know where you're going?? no i do not...i haven't heard back from any because they're all bigger schools who do not let ANYBODY know until feb. march or april. it is not that i'm not getting in to any, its just the way its happening. but yes i do want to know...but i put it in the back of my head so i don't have to think about it. i have sooo much other stuff thats going on (not that i get any credit from my parents most of the time for doing...my mom seriously told me tonight: we (her and and my dad) have so much to do while you have nothing to do....this while she was reading the paper and i was doing homework (IRONIC!!??). but yeah i have so much other things that needs to be done and i'm so overloaded right now that i feel like i'm going to burst. i really wanted to scream at my mom tonight...which i don't do...and i get mad at her for thinking i do nothing...but how can i not get mad...i need to defend myself...especially when i'm so overloaded right now...and she says i have NOTHING to do...i mean seriously??!!
school is just so pathetic right now. i hate english...and i'm taking college english courses which is probably pointless for me. yeah its teaching me stuff...but i just HATE english. we have to beat to death one single book for a month. i mean seriously, is that learning anything?? it just teaches me to hate it more. and i guess i like calculus and college chem...but i'm bored with it...like i'm so ready to get out of high school and into college because i NEED to take more advanced courses...high school just seems so immature to me right now that i'm dying when i'm there too.
i guess i have 2 escapes: friends and SO...my friends are great and i will miss them...although i am kinda ready to make some new ones...i hate to say that cuz i'm bad at making new friends...but i just need a fresh crowd. but of course i'll keep in close contact with my old ones. and then SO just lets me study what i love to study...it gives me so much other stress and stuff to do, but i just love it...and i feel happy, relaxed, and almost at home when i'm at school studying college level stuff.....i know, pathetic, right?? but yeah...i just needed to get this all out of my head...i don't have anybody to decompress too...maybe i should get a shrink?? haha, no, but this helped...sorta...maybe i'll be writing more on here....well i think thats enough..nite!!
oh and congrats to obama...he's gonna rock...and i'm so excited to be able to watch it unfold (although it would've been awesome to be in washington today...new goal: attend his second inauguration!!)

school is over!!!

2007-06-17T21:09:00.000-05:00

well, finally, school is over...well it actually ended last tuesday, but w/e. of course i had 4 regents this year, and 3 right in a row this week, so that sucked, and i just have 1 more this wed. but it's an easy 1 so i think i'll do fine. uhh, it def. feels good tho, to finally say school is over. of course this year was kinda weird for being over...the seniors this year...i know a ton of them and so it'll be weird without them next year. but next year i will finally be an upperclassman!!! that'll be awesome, and next year should be lots of fun. this summer should be too. i have to work, which kind of stinks, but thats only during the weekdays, andi kinda get to choose my hours and how long i wanna work...so i still have my nights and weekends and stuff free. hmmm wut else. i thought i had a lot to say but i guess i didn't. just i'm glad summer is finally here...the freedom to sleep in, stay up and not have to worry about h/w, papers, and tests coming up the next day. yay!!!

may

2007-05-15T20:25:00.000-05:00

well, once again, the year is like over. i think i have like 16 days of school left. i'm very ready for school to be over...i have worked my but off this year. this week i'm like falling asleep during 1st period...how pathetic. but yeah, i'm def. in need of a break. just i'll be working this summer...i'm still not sure where yet, right now i'm thinking someplace in the beach bussing tables or something along those lines...but like i said, i'm still unsure. ugh its humid out right now; of course there is rain coming...and then the hotness is going away....which i guess i can handle for a while.
so what is new...hmm....well our band trip was last fri...i left my house at 3AM fri. and got home at 3AM sat...how fun!!! i'm still exhausted from that...a week later. but i was fun, we went to pittsburgh for a competition and then went to kenneywood...an amusement park around there.
but not much else is happening...just kinda sick of school...keep reading.

life

2007-04-27T20:04:00.000-05:00

well, i haven't wrote in here in a while, and i think i have a lot to say...at least if i remember it all. lets see...first, i am getting sick of people...just like a lot of random people and society in general. the news lately is making me mad. at least what the news is reporting about people. wed. there was this cop that was killed, big news story and stuff, and they automatically thought it was the gunman that killed him. well, no, the gunman shot him, but into the bullet proof vest, and not fatally. he was killed by a bullet from friendly fire, some other state trooper shot him on accident, which we found out today. and i'm not saying the shooter did anything right(he's dead now) but we are so quick to judge lately, and we automatically think it is his fault. and like the v. tech shootings, everyone is thinking gun control is the problem and stuff, but i wanna tell americans, gun control will do absolutly nothing. laws only work for law abiding citizens, and trust me, there is not many of those. so that wouldn't have done anything, and the president and police did nothing wrong.
then theres my newspaper for the school, i'm editor, and i'm like sick of it right now. theres 2 advisors for it, which they don't talk much about it, and both have totally different ideas and i'm listening to both of them pretty much complain, and i just feel like quitting because i'm sick of it. i don't know, i'm just overall sick of that program right now and wanna b able to come and go as i please and not have to be the editor. only 2 more years of this crap...yay!!
speaking of 2 years, 2 years left for me!! only a month left of school(then 4 regents, shoot me now) and then i'll be actually considered an upperclassmen. it feels so weird getting older and thinking about the future and stuff. and like we're all getting permits and everything, and its just like really hitting me now that i'll be gone in 2 years. of course lately i can't wait for it, i'm like sick of living with my parents with them asking me stupid stuff and making me do stuff and whatnot. its not like i hate um, but like 1 night, it was 9, and my mom told me i had to go to bed...i'm like 1 sec...so i stayed on the comp. till 930 and she comes out and yells at me cuz i didn't go to bed. but its not like i go to bed anyways, i just watch tv in my room till like 1030, 11. so i don't c how watching tv or talking on the comp. is any different. but just things like that i'm getting sick of, and having like stupid rules and what not. i can live with the ones that make sense and stuff, but the stupid 1's like getting of the comp. at 9, what happens after 9??
but anyways, i'm just like ready to get out. right now i'd loveee to go to syracuse, but of course that'll never happen...not right now at least. my dad lost his job like 3 yrs. ago and now he is in this electrical company business thing, which i still don't call his job. most of the time he is here when i leave and come back, and a lot of the times lately he hasn't been going at all...no work. and its really just his friend helping him out. but like money isn't really a problem, its just theres like not much extra as there was before. and i kinda am mad at him for this cuz i'm like get a real job, theres plenty of stuff out there, and i mean he's always looking and stuff, but never does anything beyond that. and i'm just like mad at him for it and stuff. like my parents will help me out some w/ college, and i think i had a better chance of going to syracuse before this all happened and stuff, but now i feel like its just a hopeless dream, and i'll be going to a suny school. and those are good and everything, but idk, i think to be a doctor and get into med school, the college name def. helps. and like all my other friends ahead of me have like huge dreams, 2 wanna go to harvard, 1 at mit, and 1 to crane. i don't kno, i'd just love to go to a private school over a suny, but whatever.
hmm, can't think of much else right now...just felt like rambling on about everything...not like anyone will read it, but whatever.

april already!!!

2007-04-01T16:24:00.000-05:00

well, it's april 1 today...pretty hard to believe for me. march wasn't that bad this year...normally its the month that takes forever and ever cuz theres no breaks and only 1 day off(which we never got cuz we needed a snow day just in case). but somehow it seemed to just go by pretty fast. probably cuz the 1st 2 weeks or so i was cramming for SO, but after that i really didn't do much with it...lol. i think april might go by slow...at least the end. break is in a week...starts friday, which is pretty early...normally its a week later. so it doesn't really split the month up, it just comes and then we have like 2 or 3 weeks left of april...which will kinda be a bummer...but o well. we're going to myrtle beach...which will be awesome...except its supposed to get a lot cooler here starting thurs...and that means cooler there. i want like 80 degree weather. actually i don't want it as much as normal by this time of the year...winter was really short, only 2 months really. except i hate this time of year...march and april. the snow is melting, and then it gets to the sandy part of the snow and all the snow is brown...and then we get dirt piles all over our yard. and its just a complete mess. all the roads driveways and sidewalks r like it too. and this year, having so much snow, the snow has been melting for about 4 weeks and yet we still have it on the ground. we do see green...its about 25:75%. but we still have all the huge piles to melt. stupid 12 ft. snowstorms...lol.
hmmm wut else to say. the school year is going to be done fast. we only have like 45 class days left before regents week(dreading very much) and really only 2 months left. june i think we go for a week and then r done, and april is practically half over(4 days this week then done for a while). so yeah, i'm kinda looking forward to the summer, but then i'm not. my parents are making me work, and im gonna have to work 5 days a week, and around the hours of 7-5 each day. i should be getting min. wage(7.15 i think in new york) so that'll be good, but still i just don't wanna work. i'm applying for this thing that'll be at SU and suny upstate and at the hospital which i think will be fun. i get to stay a week at the syracuse campus which would be awesome so hopefully i can get into that. and i can finally get my permit in july!! i can't wait for that, all my friends already have their permits or whatever, so i def. can't wait. but yeah, summer should fly by too and then 11th grade!!! whoo. that'll be fun, PSAT's, SAT's and college searching. i shouldn't mind um that much tho...specially college searching, that i think will be pretty fun. some days i def. cannot wait till i can leave and go to college...i've been getting sick of my family...lol. but as i did last year at this same time...i'm getting down to 2 years...amazing and exciting...lol. so till next time....

hmmmm

2007-03-18T14:00:00.000-05:00

well, to start off, WE GOT 12TH AT STATES FOR S.O.!! very good for us...the last highest place we got there was 18th, so we did awesome this year. i had a really good time and it was really fun. got very little sleep, but o well...lol. west point is amazing, everything seems so perfect there. all the buildings are like huge and they're made out of rock and everything...its a really great sight to see. it was def. an awesome trip, and all the work certainly paid off!!
well now that i got that out of me, lol, not much else is new...of course.(i seem to always say that). i had yesterday FREE!! a first since like august. it was weird not having to go to school(i almost did but something got cancelled). so sleeping in and doing nothing all day was nice. then i got to hang out with my friends last nite, which was also fun.
march is def. flying by fast. i can't believe in 3 weeks i'll be on vacation. i def. could use it, since the last 2 months i had little school(1 m.p. we had 21 school days in, and then another 1 was 24...pathetic and really fast). so now i'm really tired since i've been very busy. and we're going to myrtle beach, so it'll b nice to get rid of winter for a week(we still have about 2 ft of snow, and we can finally see the road pulling out of the driveway!!!). and of course since it is march, the yr. is now really going by fast. but the whole year has been like this, i really can't believe its almost april. and half my may will be pretty busy, a band trip to pittsburgh, then nyssma, and of course my most favorite.....STUDYING FOR 4 REGENTS!!!WHOO HOO. that will really suck...the most i've had at 1 time was 1...and this year i get slammed...and of course french, global, math b, and chemistry....certainly not easy ones...lol.
well on that note, i'm going to go!!

spill your guts

2007-02-25T19:38:00.000-05:00

yeah, i'm in like a spill your guts kind of mood right now. i dunno why tho. but yeah, so vacation is over. really, i've been on a 3 week break. first 2 weeks were full of snow days, i think i went to school 4 days in 2 weeks(they were supposed to be full weeks too) and then i just had actual break. so yeah, it's been pretty nice. i don't really wanna go back to school tho...pathetic right...lol. i'm just tired after last week. i have had SO 4 days last week, so it doesn't feel like i wasn't at school...cuz i was. we've been studying and fixing everything for states at west point which r in 2 weeks. its kinda nerve wracking, but i'm really excited at the same time. it'll be lots of fun, but all my tests will be mega hard. its sad tho, i got my test grades back and one of them was a 70%...but we got 3rd place at regionals. thats how hard the tests are, you can do bad but still do good cuz its that hard. but yeah, its fun. it'll def. be weird when its over...i'll actually have sat. free again and nothing that i should be studying or anything...as we say, we will have a life!!lol. but its fun and stuff so i don't complain that much.
i guess not much else is going on. i'm in a spill your guts mood, but i dont' really have any guts to spill...lol. ummm, theres nothing really new. i decided that i'm not gonna bother with this girl i like. i've liked her since like nov. but nothing has really happened. and i don't really do anything about it, just cuz it would seem really really weird, yet i'm not sure why. but i decided just to not bother and move on. of course i have no clue who to move on to, theres no one else here...lol. but yeah
i just realized i say but yeah a lot in these things. kinda how i say lol a lot in my convos with people online. just one of those crazy quirks...but yeah, i just had to say it again...lol.
well nothing else is new...of course. i've just got the same ol boring life...haha. i guess keep reading!!

snow galore!!!

2007-02-09T14:13:00.000-05:00

well, the snow has finally fallen and we finally made up the deficit we had for snowfall. its funny, last sun. we got the paper, and a town near here had only gotten 140 in....50 inches below where they should be at the time. but afte this week, they should be about 70 inches over. it started snowing sun., since then, where i live we have gotten about 4 ft. of snow. and thats little compared with other places. where i go to school they have around 5 or 6 ft. some places have gone over 100 in. some with 120 . thats over 10 feet of snow!!! all in 1 week. its amazing!!! at school, you can't see have the windows cuz of snow that is pushed up against them. then theres snow piles that are between 10 and 15 ft. high. so yeah, its been interesting. i had 3 snow days this week, and 1 half day. and the day we had a whole day, there was no after school. winter is def back around here!!
and so i finally learned to snowblow....jeesh is that work...lol. i was outside 5 hours snowblowing...i would snowblow, my dad would push snow off the roof. the sad part is he was out there 3 hours before me, and yet we still only got about halfway done. thats just how much snow we have around here!!
so wut else is going on...hmm...OH YEAH, we did AWESOME at regionals for SO last weekend. 2nd overall, and if we ever got 1st it would b a miracle.(1st place is always this wicked good team...they have won nationals before and theyre really rich and stuff) so we could never beat them. but we won 2nd, broke tons of school records, did 20 pts. better than last year, and all of us got a least 1 medal(top 5 in each event(22 total) get medals). i did pretty good, specially considering it was my 1st yr...3rd, 5th, and 8th...i got 2 medals!! so i was excited. now we're goin to west point in march. that'll b awesome!!! and i can't wait for that.
other than that tho, nothing much going on. i haven't had school all week, and i've been stuck in the house most of the week, so i haven't gotten out much...lol. so nothing much new. but neways, keep readin!!

another month gone by....

2007-01-28T11:09:00.000-05:00

"Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still, the expected's just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives."(good quote...from greys anatomy...i like it!lol)

wow, i just thought about it and january is about over. wed. is the last day. it def. went by way too fast, especially since this means SO is this weekend...fun fun. i think our team is ready...well mostly. our building event are not done...like none of um. but i think everybody will finish them this week and we'll do pretty good. i know the seniors really wanna go to states, and i think it could really happen. lets hope so anyways!!
we finally have a lot of snow on the ground. some has melted, amazingly since the warmest day's high this week was like 20, so now we only have about a foot on the ground. we had about 20 inches last week, friday we got out of skool 2 hours early. and then pretty much everything around here got cancelled that weekend. we're supposed to get more tonight and tomm, like a good amount, so i'm hopin maybe for a snow day.....it would definetely be nice(of course i've been off since mon. so going to school probably wouldn't be that bad...lol).
umm, wut else is goin on. not much i guess. my life right now is pretty much SO, school, and sleep. i study a lot lately for SO, fri. i was at school for 5 hours, then at 9:00 i pulled my binder out and started studyin and writing notes for another 2 hours. i guess i can officially consider myself as pathetic..lol. but its good, it will really help me for college, i def. will kno how to study, and for SO, we learn tons ofcollege stuff and we do it in 4 months...and in college some things you would do in 2 semesters. so it def. will give me good study habits for the future. scary...everyone is talking colleges lately. and the grade above of me...there all searching for colleges and stuff, so i mean i have too, but its just weird...lol. it will def. be different when we are seniors, theres gonna b like nobody ahead of us...well nobody thats in our town anymore. and that day is def. coming up soon.
well i guess thats it. not much new, but i hadn't written in here a while, so i decided i should. keep readin!

whoo hoo its snowin!!!!!

2007-01-09T20:30:00.000-05:00

well, the title explains all...IT'S FINALLY FREAKIN SNOWIN!!!lol, i think everyone in my school is like thankful for that. we're supposed to get anywhere from 12 to 18 inches tonite and tomm, which is awesome...of course it'll melt by sat. cuz then its supposed to be warm again...but w/e, we're gettin a foot of snow(hopefully). and i think its supposed to turn to winter for a while nxt week(of course thats wut they said last week) but who cares, i can hope...lol.
well now that i have that off my chest...lol...lets see. i am SOO tired. this weekend went by so fast...of course all day sat. i was at skool, SO 10-6...which was actually good cuz it was supposed to b 8-8...so 8 hours instead of 12 was a plus...lol. of course im starting to get nervous about 1 of my events. we have to build a robot and do a bunch of stuff for it...but like my partner has practically taken all control over it....but he's not done, and i don't even think anywhere near it. and like idk wut to do, he's a senior and he knows all about SO and stuff but i'm thinking he's wastin time...and ive tried to work w/ him some, but he just seems like he wants to do it...and thats wut everyone says about him, he takes control and doesn't like other ppl doing it cuz then he thinks it won't get done. but i mean he's not doing it either so idk...i'm gonna try workin w/ him a lot this sat. and mon...mon we're at skool all day, another 8-8, so i'm thinkin i'll just work w/ him for like 6 hours and try to at leat finishing building it. but yeah, then i have to keep studying for my other 2 events...health science and designer genes(genetics). those are fun and i think i'm ready pretty much...i really should study a lot more this week. i hope i'm prepared...this is my 1st time doing this so i have like no idea wut to expect...i kno it'll b difficult, i'd just like to know what to expect and stuff...idk. but i've been like thinkin bout it more and more and feb 3 is comin up WAY to fast....i could probably def. wait. of course it'll b fun and all, just the whole tests and stuff...i'll b really nervous.
o, and i kno i sound like a geek...lol...i kno, i am a geek...thats wut i love bout this whole thing...we all kno we're geeks and we say it. its also funny that like half of the ppl on the team r like practically the coolest in ur class. that seems to b how camden is, if ur cool, ur popular, or at least like semi(every1 knos u and likes u and stuff). i guess im that...i'm def. not popular or nething...lol. but every1 calls themselves geeks there, and i just like laugh inside.
but anyway, not much else goin on in my life...nxt week will be like hell. instead of having a 4 day week and doing like nothing those 4 days, i'll be doubling my week...so much for MLK day...lol. of coruse regents week is in 2 weeks, can't wait(not like that, i have no regents soi just get to do nothing except stay home...except the 2 or 3 days i have SO...lol. again, i kno, i am a geek) but anyways, it better start snowin hard again tonite, or else i'll b mad...i could use a snow day!!!

happy 2007!!!

2007-01-03T21:25:00.000-05:00

happy 2007!! wow, a new year already. i guess 2006 really flew by. and it means the skool yr. is almost halfway through. regents week is in 2 weeks and thats the 'official' middle...lol. i can't believe how fast this yr. has gone. even though each day seems to go by slow...the yr. as a whole very fast...graduation just keeps getting closer and closer...close to the 2 yr. mark...scary....lol. so yeah, its january, and tonite i saw a tractor in a farm field...how sad is that. people are even golfing...it's pathetic. normally ur lucky if ur tractor is out in nov. and ur lucky if ur golfingin oct. but its jan. and we're doin that. this winter so far has tottaly sucked. like we should b in denver rite now where they got so much...lol. but i think its supposed to finally turn to winter this weekend for a while....lets hope so at least. i mean all-county is in 2 weeks...i've done it twice in the last 3 yrs...and we r supposed to go on fri. nite and all day sat. well me and all my friends have nvr had to go on the fri. 1 cuz it's always gotten cancelled...either our skool was closed or the skool where its at was closed. and if we don't even have ne snow by then, yeah pathetic...lol.
well lets c wut else is goin on in my life. o this weekend will b SUPER fun. SO 8am until 8pm sat. and then 2 sccr. games in syacuse at 8 and 9 at nite...so i'll get home at 11 that nite. ugh i'll b so tired and so moody nxt week...lol. umm, well yeah i'm goin to bed cuz i'm sick rite now...i may add to this tomm. or somtin or just make a new one...idk...lol...talk to u later....
o and listen to chap stick, chapped lips, and things like chemistry by relient k...good song...weird name...lol

where did winter go??

2006-12-19T20:02:00.000-05:00

well the title explains it all. winter has not come here yet. we've only had about 40 inches so far this yr, very low. today it finally snowed and it stuck a lil, but then it melted. its like depressing. and like x-mas is nxt week...it will be a green one and like all the old people that are like in their 50's and 60's can only remember like 1 green x-mas. really, its not x-mas unless you have at least 6 in. which we're only gonna have NONE!! so yeah, it sux, and everyone is like weirded out bout it cuz of shopping and stuff. noone is ahead of it and its cuz it just doesn't feel like x-mas. its been in the 40's the last 2 weeks and so yeah.
but anyways, only 3 more days of skool left. which is good and bad. of course i had to be sick today, and so i missed 2 tests, and i have 1 or 2 of um tomm. then another test thurs. and a quiz then too. so yeah, great time to be sick...not. so i'll be sick of skool these last 2 days. but i've caught up on a lot of sleep. sun. i went to bed at 830, i was so tired. and then i slept most of the day today. so i'm pretty much caught up i guess.
umm, wut else. o we had our 'winter ball' last weekend. it was good; it was better than i thought it was going to be. i thought it was gonna b pretty stupid and everyone seemed to be making a bigger deal than it really was. but i had a lot of fun and me and all my friends finally hung out...haven't it a looooonnnnng time. then this fri. we're all hangin out again. so its all good. can't wait cuz i've just gotta hang out w/ friends and stuff. haven't really done it in a long time.
umm, but other than that, i'm pretty good. as long as i feel better tomm. i'll be great; cept all the tests...but who cares, its only 1...lol. keep readin, even though noone does....

............

2006-12-09T20:30:00.000-05:00

well hey, yeah its 1 of those posts.......lol, the long long dots. yeah i think i'm just gonna ramble. lets see...well i hate some people. my neighbor, can be such an ass sometimes, and so her mom is having a x-mas party...and she won't let kids come and stuff, which is so stupid cuz kids are always with the families and stuff all the parties and wut not...but neways so shes babysitting, and then at 5 tonight she told me that she was spending the night at my house...now this is the 1st i had heard about it...me and my parents. so we are all like dumbfounded about this, cuz we're just like since when and all that. so yeah, and i'm exhausted cuz i have not gotten a full night's sleep since thanksgiving break(the full truth...well last nite i got 10 hours of sleep...but today i was at skool from 10-4...and its a sat. so yeah that doesn't count as a full nite's sleep). and i have a soccer game and stuff tomm. nite so i wanted to actually go to bed early and like do notin all nite. so i'm just gonna like go to bed and she'll b in my house w/ like noone here...which will go interesting...but yeah, she just drives me nuts sometimes.
and then theres this other thing...its a girl...lol . betcha u could've guessed. i like her, shes moved for 2 yrs. away from here and then came back in oct. and i like her, but it's like weird cuz i don't know it would just seem really weird and we've never like seemed like we would b like that. and some ofmy friends who i have told have thought it would be weird too...but we're not like all that sure why. but like when i wanna b with her(like last nite at her bball game...well after it) like we're not near each other to talk to and other of my friends are always like in the way. and like theres 1 ofmy friends who i sware likes me but i wouldn't go out w/ her(again...lol) and i think the girl who i actually like thinks i like this other girl...cuz this other girl seems to like always be flirtin with me and stuff. so i'm like kinda mad and i just wanna talk and hang out with this girl i like cuz i seem to just like like her more and more and it really sux. so i'm like lost on what to do here(have any suggesstions...greatly appreciated).
well yeah i said everything thats on my mind rite now...thats like all thats in my head...i'm like dead rite now and not my normal self it seems and yeah, idk...but yeah...keep readin(o and help!!!)

quick update on my life :)

2006-12-06T21:36:00.000-05:00

well, i'm POOPED!! i don't think i've gotten much sleep since thanksgiving...and i thought i didn't get a lot then. so yeah, i've been wicked busy...even though i do like nothin after skool..lol. so indoor has started...yeah, its fun and all, but all my games are at 8 or 9(or both like this past weekend)...and there in syracuse...about 45 min. in the car w/ my mom(slowwww). so like this past sun. nite i got home at 11...yeah, i nvr do that, i barely stay up till 10 ona weeknight cuz i'm always so tired. so rite now i'm exhausted...and i just had prac. 8-9ish...so yeah, we are always playin late.
and then with everything else, h/w(which has actually been like easy and none lately...confusing to me and i hate it cuz i don't think i did wut i'm supposed to do at nite and i have no clue wut to do...lol...i'm that pathetic) and i gotta be studyin all the stuff for SO...which is comin up fast so i gotta do majorly lots of studyin over wicked hard stuff!!! it's all like AP stuff...college AP stuff i shoud say...and only bein a sophmore....u get the pic...but it is kinda neat...i mean it gives me stuff to do, and it seems really fun.
umm, wut else. o yeah!!we have snow...well actually it's melting at the moment(even tho its 10...normally it should b in the low 20's rite now)where i live i only had about an inch...but a lot of my friends had over 4...a town about 20 miles from here...very hicktownish, all my friends that live there we all call um hicks...they had a lil over a foot. so yeah winter's here. cept its supposed to b in the 40's all nxt week...which sux. it's really depressing roudn here...noone thinks its x-mas time cuz theres no snow!!i mean seriously, our house w/ our lites looks horrible cuz theres no snow. snow just makes it better!!! lol.
well, i think that's it...not much new as usual. i'm like that i guess...never really change. i only do if i absolutly positivly have to!lol. well, keep readin the blog(even tho noone seems to...lol)

happy thanksgiving!!

2006-11-25T21:32:00.000-05:00

so yeah, happy thanksgiving everyone!! hope it was great. mine was pretty good, spent it with family like always. i know it sounds corny and whatnot but yeah, family is important to me and since i'll only get to see family 3 or 4 times a year, when we are together i enjoy it as much as possible. really, family and friends are probably the most important thing in my life. i really enjoy the time i have with them, and it's always a good time.
so yeah, thanksgiving is past so now its all x-mas time and whatnot. its hard to believe its the 'happy holidays' time of year again. i know everyone doesn't want it to be x-mas yet. i kindof do but kindof don't, i don't know. 4 weeks of school left though, it'll be a long 4 weeks that'll b sure. maybe we can get a snow day out of it. well lets hope so anyway, it's supposed to b in the 50's all week. so yeah, it's kinda hard to believe it's x-mas already. i mean it feels like we just started school but we've got 3 months already done. very hard to believe.
well, not much else going on in my life. school, SO, homework...all that good stuff. this vacation has gone by wicked fast...i had to go to school wed. and today(sat.) so it kinda sucked. then being away thurs. and fri. and sun. will pretty much consist of h/w, studying, and essays. so yeah, that's my life right now...of course i gotta get used to it. it'll probably b this way and even worse for the next 15-20 years if i wanna be a doctor. can't wait till college, i'm getting more anxious every day it seems(of course i also dread the day of graduation and leaving behind my hometown...we all have gotten so attached to it...i know a lot of college people miss it and my friends that have moved away so want to come back). but yeah, less than 3 years away i'll be leaving. it's pretty exciting actually...hard to believe. i just don't want to leave all my friends and stuff behind(i'm not that outgoing and pretty shy...at least untill i get to know you...i need to be around someone a lot before i can really be close to them) but i keep trying to change...so it'll be easier in college and stuff.
umm...not much else going on. o i can't wait till i can drive...i so can't wait!!! cept its still like 7 months away...then i can only get my freakin permit. but yeah i think it'll be so cool. like half my friends already drive and it sux cuz i've always gotta wait for my parents to pick me up. but yeah, can't wait.
well that's it for now...keep reading!!

drama!!!

2006-11-14T20:52:00.000-05:00

ugh, wow. so much drama at school and w/ all my friends lately...so i felt like just writing in here all bout it...lol. yeah, the whole high school is full of drama...so true. with everything going on in school w/ work and all, the whole drama thing is just an added bonus...lol. i don't kno, it's not that bad of a thing i guess, especially since i really am not caught up in it, it's just like all my friends are and it seems we're ina soap opera...but like all of it in the last 2 months has been just...holy crap. its mainly bout whos dating, who likes each other, all that crap. ppl breakin up for other ppl, then realizing they still like that person...blah blah blah. you know how the story goes. but yeah, i hear it all, like all my friends tell me everything it seems, and some literally tell me like everything and i could write novels about it...lol, but i guess that's what friends are for, and i know how it goes cuz i have been stuck in all of it i guess. and i guess it kind of shows who your true friends are...who you can really talk about anything too.

but yeah, other than that, my life's goin good. indoor(soccer) prac. is tomm. nite so that'll b interesting. of course its late, 7-830, which is gay, i'll be like falling asleep as i'm playing. and i'll have to do all my homework as soon as i get home which sux. umm...this sat. will suck...i gotta b at school at 730 and i won't get home till round 530...i'm at school lately more on sat. than on the weekdays...how pathetic is that. thanksgiving break is coming up nxt week...which rox. i only got a 2 day week, but i think i'm gettin out early tues. so it'll only b like 1 1/2. then after break we're goin on a field trip...which is good since only 2 buses r goin, theatre and advanced eng. kids, so pretty much all my friends are going which'll b fun...specially since we really haven't hung out lately much. and then there won't b many scumbags w/ us cuz its advanced...so its mainly just the fun people(which it's not like everyone's geeks, it's quite funny...all out advanced kids together gets to hilairious). but yeah, can't wait till that...still got 2 weeks tho, which'll take forever of course.
well thats it for now i guess...keep readin!!

goin by fast!!

2006-11-09T15:42:00.000-05:00

well, this yr. seems to be going by really fast. it's already november somehow, still can't believe it. it feels as if we just started school a week or two ago. it's hard to believe that thanksgiving is only 2 weeks away. i can already tell that june will come too soon, and it's going to be weird, specially since a lot of the seniors are going to be leaving. this year i know a lot of um i guess, so next year them not being at school, it'll be very different, and seem kinda empty. that, and the 8th graders coming up are complete retards and stuck-ups...lol.
lets see, whats new. we finally got snow!!! last week, well we only got about 5-6 inches that actually stuck, up in town they got about 10ish, and up in the hills they got round 15. i kno, 5-6 is like a lot, but i hate it, every1 else is like i got so much snow, i'm likei only got a lil(to us, it's a little...plows are barely even out).
school's going good i guess. it's slowed down a lot lately, a lot less h/w it seems. of course, once soccer is done, i get less work...of course that's how life works. but i'm happy, i got a good grade for the 1st marking period, actually beat a friend that's been ahead of me(theres like 5 of us all competing for the top 5, we like always compare everything, and then rub it in when we beat each other...we all normally always get over a 97 for overall, and right now i'm either 3 or 4, but i could be pushed down to 5 cuz an old friend that's come back normally is ahead of me). but yeah, school's going good. still busy but good.
well i guess that's it for now, just though i'd fill ppl in on my life. keep readin!!

whats new??

2006-10-24T15:10:00.000-05:00

well, wut's new in my life lately. well, the soccer season is officially over and i finally have more time on my hands...not a lot but hey, i'll take whatever i get. i don't think i'll b that tired this week, but yet who knows. i've been pretty much workin 6 hour weeks...cept on sat. i don't have to wake up till 9ish. but of course this sat. is diff. and i gotta wake up round 6. still got tons of h/w, and when i don't, which is hardly ever, i gotta study and do things for science olympiad(i don't kno if i metnioned this or not, but it's like a club thing and 2 events for me is taking tests on stuff....so of coruse a lot of memorizing and studying).
my friend from africa got evacuated last fri. so it's good to c her again. shes back in ny to stay till senior year. i kno, it sounds stupid that she lived in africa, but her dad has somethin to do with the military, so yeah they had to move a lot. but it's good to have her back. for once our old group of friends were finally all together again, 1st time in a while. it sux, we've all been seperated for o so many reasons. we all talk to each other and stuff still, it's just we've gone like our seperate ways. i kinda miss it, but o well i guess life goes on.
it's been snowin pretty much every nite here. we're supposed to get some each nite for the next week+. of course where i live i don't get nething that's stickin, but a lot of my friends that live like 10 miles north of here in town and north of town up in the hills and mountains, they've been gettin a couple of inches each nite. i'm like dying to have it come here. rite now it's like teasin me cuz it'll go to all my friends's houses but not mine.
well, i guess that's pretty much it. still the same ol' i guess. i guess u can c i'm either predictable or just don't have much of a life(lol, i somewhat admit that, like i don't tottally not have a life but some nites i just feel like doin nothin). well, keep readin my blog!

winter already!!??

2006-10-15T19:25:00.000-05:00

well, i guess i can officially say that where i live, winter is here. yeah, it's october 15th and i am able to say that. it snowed during the night last night, nothin to stick, and it's still not that cold out. we're even suppossed to get into the high 50's, low 60's this week which will be better than the 30's we have been getting. but i do think this is the earliest it's snowed in a while round here. i guess just a little sign that this is going to probably be a tough winter...o well, plenty of snow days, which will be definatly needed.
but other than that, not much new in my life. same ol same ol, just doing all the stuff that i'm in. this week i officially said i am not adding anything else to my very long list of extracurricular activities, i have plenty and i don't think i could balance anymore without pulling 20 hour days 6 days a week. but yeah, with soccer, editor of the newspaper, and science olypiad now starting, i have a lot. soccer will end this week, so i'll get a lil bit more time to do newspaper and sci. oly.(by the way, this is like a sci. club kinda thing but not geeky, it's really fun and you get to do cool things...and normally we get to go to west point, north of nyc, so i think it'll be fun......it just involves lots of work and memorizing stuff). then i'm also practicing for all county aud. in 2 or 3 weeks, that'll be interesting. i'm not sure how good i'll do, i probably won't make it(it wont bother me that much actually) but if i do, great. nov. should be easier, of course then i'll be getting even more homework. of course i'm in all advanced courses and i'm too the point where all the courses i'm taking are tough and require lots of work and studying. the 4th week of school i had to hand in a 17 page essay on beowulf(stupid poem, not worth it). of course i didn't have to make it that long, but if i wanted a good grade, which i did, i got a 100, very surprised, but if i wanted that i had to write a lot. that's why they call it advanced english i guess. and from the stories i've heard, it gets worse in 2 years with supa, a syracuse university english course our school offers and you get college credit.
but that's it for my life right now, i really don't have time for anything else. pretty much, school, soccer/newspaper/so, homework, sleep...and i do that for 5 days...then the 6th day it's going to start being all so every sat. from 10 to at least 2 or 4...so yeah, i'm going to be EXHAUSTED...lol. well, talk to whoever reads this later.

...

2006-09-29T18:44:00.000-05:00

once again, i have no clue what the tile of this blog should be. i don't know, it's kinda just all BLAH!! that's kinda how this week has been. i've been tired all week from all the homework i get and soccer, theres no time right now for me to be just a regular kid. then to add in bein the editor of the school newspaper, trying to get as close to 100's in all my classes as possible, studyin for tests like every night, and trying to keep up on band and practice for all-county aud.'s in a few weeks. i'm like holy crap do i got a lot on my plate or what. and i'm still tryin(for some unknown reason, i think i'm crazy) to get into more stuff, like sci. olympiad. and then i'll probably in pit band for the school musical which will tie up a couple of nights until like 6. so yeah, i'm like exhausted and have no time what so ever. except for now, fri. nite at 8:00. of course i'm just sittin here, somewhat bored, but i didn't wanna go to the dance(our hs dances suck). but hopefully most of my friends will be at our homecoming parade and football game tomm. so that'll be fun.
another thing on my mind is all the drama this year. like the 3rd day of school everyone was like what the crap it's only the 3rd day of school and theres already so much drama. and it's true, theres soo much drama in the school rite now you can't keep up with it. i think i mite've mentioned it before, my whole 'group' of friends have all gone their seperate ways. yeah, we're all friends and stuff, but not as good as we used to be, and i don't know, it's just weird and somewhat saddening. and that's not even like half of whatsgoin on with all the drama and stuff. it's unbelivable how much there really is.
so yeah, i started this the other night and nowi'm finishing it, i don't really have more to say now, like i know i do but i forgot it all. i guess my advice is that when you have something, make sure you know how much you actually have and don't like put off things or whatever cuz you never know when it will just go away and you won't have it anymore. and i guess i gotta use my own advice, i gotta try to make the best of it that all my friends have gone like different ways and stuff...just try to move on, cuz in less than 3 years i won't have it anymore, i'm gonna b gone, away from my friends and family, and i'll truly begin my 'life'. so yeah, be thankful for what you have now and remeber it can always be worse.

well....

2006-09-23T13:17:00.000-05:00

well, the school year for me has definatly gotten under way...i've already got about an hour and a half of h/w each night, all on top of playing soccer. so yeah, i'm exhausted right now. i'm doin good tho, and i just keep tellin myself it'll get harder the farther i go on and i'll be staying up for like 36 hours in about 10 years so i should consider myself lucky right now...lol. and yes, i still want to become a doctor, and i can't wait till i can actually call myself one. but that won't be for another 10 years, so right now i'm just trying to enjoy life as much as possible and keep workin hard in school and stuff. i've gotten to see all my friends tons more cuz of school, then we all go to football games and each others games and stuff too. we wanna go to the movies and have more parties or somtin, but it's hard right now cuz everyone always has something going on, and there's not really a day that all of us can do something. but luckily i can at least see them durin they day and i try to as much as possible. like i've said before and i pretty much always will, live your life as much as possible, you never know what can happen the next day...whether you can get hit by a car, diagnosed with cancer or somtin. andf those diseases and things shouldn't be an excuse to go out and live life...i feel that we should live life as much as possible before they happen...it's better that way. i like the song we live by superchick...it's a really good song and if you read the lyrics there like the same as what i just said.
so that's pretty much it goin on in my life. o yea our team is 2-8, not very good by most standards, but our school's soccer team is never any good, everyone goes out for football...they think it's better. o well. i guess i should go work on h/w and clean the house and stuff. keep on checkin my blog out!! --ryan

school

2006-09-12T20:14:00.000-05:00

ugh, like i've been sayin all summer...school has killed me. i am exhausted and i haven't gotten like any sleep since last monday(labor day) and i won't get any until maybe this sat. yea, but w/ soccer and bein newspaper editor and h/w, i just have no time anymore. i'm lucky to be able to talk to people and writing in here right now. but yeah, i thought i would just write something quick to say how school is going. it's good other than the fact of waking up. i like all of my classes. my lunch and study hall kinda suck...of course my only 2 free periods of the day. but other than that i'm good. we lost of course, in our soccer game today. we sucked the 1st half then did awesome the 2nd...but we couldn't come back. so we're 1 and 4 overall(1 win 4 loses). but other than that i don't really have anything else to say...i just realized i havent had time to think about other stuff and whatnot so i've got like no worries or thoughts to put down here...lol. well, i guess that's it for tonight...i'll probably write in more all about the 1st week and stuff this weekend.....peace

summer is.....over : (

2006-09-03T18:46:00.000-05:00

well, it's labor day weekend...which means the fair(the state fair, ny) is ending, which means summer is over and school starts this week. jeesh, there's lots of signs this weekend that it's over. like the crappy weather we've had...rain and cold...stupid hurricanes...lol. and the cold is back, which means winter will b here within 2 months(where i live it snows by the end of oct...halloween as kids me and my bro always had to wear snowsuits under our costume since it was so cold). i guess i'm kinda ready for winter tho...first time actually in a while that i have been. the cold always kind of does good with me...like i can never sleep in a hot room...even in the winter i have my fan in my room on high, even if it's -20 outside...i like to cover tottaly in blankets and get warm like that. i probably get that from living in upstate ny...when winter begins in oct. and ends in april or may and frosts arn't uncommon in june...i guess you gotta be coldblooded or else you really can't survive here. i was actually just thinkin the other day...i'm like to my mom sarcastically "ooo i can't wait till those days where it's too cold to snow...and when you walk out to the bus at quarter to 7 and the -10 degree air and the -25 wind chill wakes you up and your whole body pretty much freezes...screw coffee we got the weather to wake us up in the morning...then as soon as you get on the bus you blow in your hands and arms trying to warm up". and then there's also the days where i gotta go threw at least a foot of snow that fell during the night and is on the driveway...and if your reading this and think that school should be closed since a foot fell...think again, i've gone to school when 2 ft. of snow fell over a 1/4 of an inch of ice...everyone was fed up with my school but we still had to go...and then the day where on the normally 8 min. drive to school suddenly turned into a 20 min. one when it became a complete whiteout, the only way you know where to go was the small car tracks on the road...the rest of the road was covered in snow, and halfway there we had to pull over to wipe the windshields and windows off because the snow was falling so fast(around 5 inches an hour) that the wipers couldn't push it all off fast enough. but anyway, as i was saying, i love the mornings when you gotta go threw the foot of snow on your driveway and your pants and sneakers get soaked(we don't wear boots to school round here unless your 5...lol). so yeah, some people in the world can relate to my stories...the one's who live in a redneck town and in the good ol' northern us...but then there are the people who are like yeah right, it can't snow 5 inches an hour...or no snowday for 2 ft. of snow and sheets of ice underneath. but, all the stories are true...of course i have to thank lake ontario to make all these stories possible...so thank you lake ontario for your wonderful snow storms and the normal anual snowfall total's averaging around 200 inches...but can get up to 250 and never under 175.

well, if your reading this i'm surprised that you actually didn't get bored with all my 'weather' talk. but i felt i needed to say it...and i'm actually kinda proud that i can tell stories like that...and not be makin um up. but yeah, this is what i go threw every year before school...the thought of winter and stuff. i'm kinda ready for school this week...but kinda not,i don't wanna wake up. and hopefully kinda this yr. won't go by quite as fast as last yr. did...but it'll probably go faster as i get closer to going to college. i've been tottaly for becomin a doctor and stuff, but this morning i was thinking wow i'm getting to the point where i have to make a descion that will affect the rest of my life and i have noone to help me or make the descion for me. i'm like, omg, i'm finally getting old and whatever. so i'm going to live life as much as i can and care about things like school and stuff but at the same time have a great time with my friends and family......while i still can.
and that's what i guess i'm gonna close with...my advice to you, and hopefully your not too old to use this...cuz if you are you probably can agree with me: while your young, live your life as much as possible, don't have regrets about stupid things like high school boyfriend or girlfriends(really i found out it's better to be single, nothing is holding you back then) and have fun and many night's that you have fun at and you love and will always remember. because wether or not you like it, you're getting older and closer to the point where you'll be more concentrated on your job, family, and surviving in the 'real' world as most people call it.

fun weekend :)

2006-08-21T18:19:00.000-05:00

hey everyone. well, very tired after a pretty long weekend. went to my grandparents then to my aunt and uncle's camp in canada...very nice, love it there. i left last wed. and just got home tonite(which kinda sucked cuz as soon as i got home i had practice and i already missed our first 1 which was this mornin). but anyways, stayed at my grandparents for a few days, then went to camp on sat. and stayed till this mornin. it was fun, camp kinda sucked yesterday cuz it was terrible weather...i think it had to be 50 mph winds nonstop, and sometimes probably over 70 or 80. the river does that tho i guess. but it was good to c my whole family...on that side we always have a family reunion at this time of the yr. and that's the only time we're all together cuz we are all scattered across the state. which sux i guess but then when i think about it not really cuz a lot of ppl that have family close normally fight a lot more. ours, whenever we see each other we enjoy it cuz it could b over a yr. before the nxt time we c each other. but yeah, this weekend was pretty good.

started soccer today...it was pretty good. surprisingly i wasn't that out of shape...i guess the summer practices and running on the treadmill helped that out...lol. but this means skool is comin...2 1/2 weeks. i guess i'm ready to go back. i mean i haven't really seen my friends as much as i've wanted to this summer, so school will help out with that. but the first 2 months i'm going to be EXTREMELY EXHAUSTED. lol, the 1st week alone i have 3 games, and 2 tournament games...and both tourn. and 1 game is at a school that's about an 1 1/2 hours away on bus...so it'll really suck. but i guess i'll live...lol.
well that's it in my life for right now i guess...nothing too much exciting yet...but trust me, once school starts...i'll have lots to write about(all the drama that happens in the high school, u know how it goes...lol).

friends

2006-08-12T20:42:00.000-05:00

well, i am very tired right now. i'm not quite sure why yet...but i am...i'm gonna fall asleep writing in here...lol. maybe it was cuz i was actually doing something last night...finally hung out with all...well most...of my really good friends. it was fun, we haven't all hung out in a long time, so it was definatly about time to do so. can't wait till school starts so i can see everyone everyday instead of every few weeks. but we all said we had to do it again...and some people are havin parties in a week or two so i guess i'll get to see everybody at those. uhh...wow, i am tired...i keep yawning and stuff and it's only 930. well i guess i'll go to bed early tonight instead of 1130...late for me i guess...i'm not much of a person to stay up till 2 when i'm just at home. but o well.

o, and if you plan to watch when a stranger calls...well, i don't know. it's a short movie, and it's alright i guess. it wasn't an attention grabber for me i guess...and i don't like the end at all. it's practically in the middle of something and bam...it's over. nothing explaining anything that went on in the movie. so basically, it got to it's climax...and instead of going back down(like a rollercoaster i guess...i'm thinkin back to english class...lol). so anyways instead of going back down and quieting down...it just stopped...right at the top. movies and books and stuff arn't supposed to do that. there supposed to explain stuff...which this didn't do. but o well...just for the heads up.

well, there's not much going on in my life right now...still. soccer is starting up for the school in about a week. that'll be pretty good i guess. and this week i'm going to my grandparents and my aunt and uncle's camp. it's in canada, very nice...i love it up there. hopefully it won't be too cool like it has the last few nights...it's weird cuz i've been thinking i want winter but this 60 degree weather isn't really working for me....so i guess the -15 degrees won't be too exciting. but at least it does wake you up when you go out waiting for the bus...people in florida kind of miss out on that great feeling...lol, it may not be that great...but i don't know...i don't think i could live without the really cold winters and the winters that we can get a couple of feet a day in the snowstorms. without the cold and snow(by the way we can get like 250 in. a year...really amazing...lol)...so without the cold and snow, to me it wouldn't be winter. and if you don't have at least a foot of snow on the ground at x-mas time...its really not x-mas. and when it's not 20 degrees out and close to a foot of snow at turkey time...its not really turkey day...lol...ok, enough rambling for me now.

2006-08-02T08:49:00.000-05:00

well i'm a little bored right now and don't really have anything else to do, so i decided to write in here. well, my life is going well right now. it's pretty good, just the fam is starting to drive me a lil wacko...they always do by august, my mom and bro are home all day...mom's a teacher, so it sux during the summer...never any alone time. but then i have my friends which always make my life fun and interesting. i can't wait till next week, we're all gettin together! haven't seen most of um in like 3 weeks when we went to the movies. so yea, it's been a long time. of course my summer is pretty much winding down. pretty much every weekend is booked. and in like 3 weeks soccer starts again. and i looked at our schedule this morning, and it's going to be a busy season. by the beg. of school, already a scrimmage and 2 games will have been played. and the 1st week of school, 2 days, i have 2 games, each night. so yea, it'll be a very very tiring beg. of school. but i'm kinda looking forward to it, see all my friends, i mean like every1..since our class is so big you don't see a lot of people outside of school. but this year will probably go by slower than last...but not too slow since hs is winding down. ive really gotten my head stuck on an anesthesiologist still..i wanna work in a hospital. my mom doesn't think i should do it...too much school and whatnot. she still thinks i should be pharmacist. but i keep telling her in both it'll b 6 yrs. of college...just w/ becoming a doctor i'll have 2 more, but most of those 2 years are spent in a hospital. and i start getting paid in my first year of residency/internship...only about 42,000, but like i said to her, that's what most people start out making in any job...that's actuaally very good. but who knows..we'll have to see what this year brings......

2006-07-28T14:50:00.000-05:00

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
- Dr. Meredith Grey. - Grey's Anatomy

I've just gotten into watching Grey's Anatomy...since it's a hospital show and whatnot. this was in my friend's pro, and i've read it a few time, but never quite got it. that is until i watched the actual episode it was in. after that, i got it, and if you take the time to read it, you might to. and, dr. grey is definatly right...don't wait for things. i've learned that...take your chances whenever possible!!

great summer!!

2006-07-22T18:45:00.000-05:00

well, summer is pretty much halfway over...very surprising and unbelievable. but so far is been pretty good...although i really haven't had a week where i just did nothing...but all through august i'll probably get to do that :). my b-day was this week...it was good, i got quite a bit of money...and i'll still get lots more. i also finally got a cell phone, a pretty nice 1 too...a camera one :)...lol. but as school gets closer i'm getting more anxious and dreadfullness all at the same time. this year will have a lot stored it it. i won't be a freshman anymore, that's for sure. and i'll know everything that goes on, besides the new stuff, so i won't look like a fool for asking what the heck is that?? then by the end of the yr. i'll be looking at more and more colleges and my future...scary but exciting(still wanna go somewhere in the medical field by the way...wut i really want rite now is to go to syracuse university for premed then on to suny upstate for medical school). but then i'm dreading all this work i'll have this yr...some of my friends a yr ahead of me said there'll b a lot...specially in english, dreadful and boring subject for me...not as dreadful really just i don't like it. and then SAT's will be coming in another yr...ugh. and that's what my mom keeps telling me...if i want to b a doctor i have to look forward to at least 8 yrs. of school. idk, i think it would b alright, really its only 6 yrs. of pure bookwork...the last 2 of medical school your actually in a hospital...so, who knows what will happen with my life ahead of me...:)

the heat is here

2006-07-16T19:35:00.000-05:00

well, the heat is finally here. it was in the 90's today and it'll b the same tomm. we already have a heat advisory. and i kno some ppl think 90's isn't that hot, but when the wind chill is -30 in the winter...trust me, you'll think 90 is VERY hot. but today was fun, cept now i'm tired...swimming for 4 hours straight does that too you. summer's been goin good for me, i've been keepin busy for once and haven't really had a chance to just do nothing for a week. but once august comes, i should have that. cept then me and my family will probably do more travelling. one weekend will b a b-day party, it'll b fun cuz its at one of my relatives camp on the st. laurence...very nice and relaxing. then another weekend we want to go somewhere...rite now its between montreal, toronto, or new york. they're all about the same distance, bout 3 hours, but thats not bad for me cuz i'm used to sittin in a car for that long. i would rather go to montreal or new york tho, probably nyc over montreal...just cuz i need to go there before college cuz we live so close and cuz its...well, new york..lol. and then i gotta c the place where everyone thinks i live cuz i say i'm from new york...i do, and everyone else in n.y. state, hate that cuz everyone that lives out of state thinks thats all thats in n.y. trust me, theres TONS more. but o well, some things will probably never change. well, thats all for now i guess...till nxt time

......

2006-07-04T20:03:00.000-05:00

well, didn't really know what to call this entry...its kinda just a bunch of whatever. first...it's 4th of JULY!!!havent really done anything about it...just went to a parade at my grandparents. just got home like an hour ago. it was pretty fun, i got to see all of my family all in the same weekend(like a first since i was born). but now i'm exhausted...running around cousins all weekend does that to you i guess. i do gotta go to this thing again tomm...another 2 weeks of that and then it'll be over. then i mite also have soccer, not really lookin forward to it...only cuz it'll b a game and i've had no practice yet, and its like an hour from here...ugh. summer's been pretty nice though...i've been catchin up on lots of sleep, and i remembered again how nice not having to go to bed early cuz you gotta wake up in the mornin feels. but i've been really busy, i think i've done somtin every day since last monday...and i don't think that'll end anytime soon at this point. i do miss my friends tho, i haven't seen like anyone since our regents and graduation. that sux, but we'll probably get together soon. well thats pretty much all thats goin on for now!

SUMMER

2006-06-19T21:33:00.000-05:00

well, finally, it's summer vacation...well actually i gotta still take a regents, bio...idk how i'll do. hopefully high 90's like my other 2 regents...but if i don't i'll always retake them(i've decided that everything under a 90 i'll retake). but so far i've had a good summer...it's only been a week tho and i've been alone every day, which ended today so my 'vacation' is now over...lol. now my bro and mom(shes a teacher) will be home every day with...sure it's nice sometimes but other times its just annoying and i want a break alone. friday i went to my friend's party...he has a lot of um..it was fun, the last 1 was better tho. then this wed. after our regents we're goin out for pizza all of us, and thurs. we're all hanging out again. i really hope that it'll be like this all summer...we've all gotten like really good friends this yr...idk y, we just did. then we all get to c our friend that now lives in the congo...she hates it there and wants to back but it all depends on the elections there i guess. but yea, this summer should be lots of fun. rite now it's pretty packed w/ doing stuff, so it'll be fun. cept by the end of july i probably will be ready to go back to school...i always wanna go back since practically my whole family is home all summer. but as long as i can hang out with my friends at least once a week, it should be a really good and fun summer...a lot better than my past one's that i really haven't done anything except sit around and relax(i'm good at that...lol). well that's pretty much it for now...i'm just hoping that i'll do good on my regents!!!

IDK...

2006-06-09T20:42:00.000-05:00

well, i've made it. my first yr of HS, complete(not officially)...tues. the last day, but mon. theres notin to do, and tues. we got 20 min. periods. it was my best yr of skool ever...i really had a great time and i love HS. its really a great place, and is the best time of your life. its at least the best time for me. i guess its having a lot more freedom than what we had before here...it's nice to have. then its pretty nice that i'll b leavin in 3 yrs...i'll miss the town and friends and everything, but i like really wanna go to college...i've been researching everything that i wanna b and stuff...it sounds fun, and i think college will b even better than HS.
ugh, i wanted to write in this cuz i had a lot to say...cept now i forgot it all. well there is 1 thing...a girl, of course. i really like her, pretty much always have...cept dont kno wut to do bout it. i think she knos, and idk...i'll just have to c wut happens.
well the whole end of the yr has gotten me thinkin a lot more lately. it is kinda sad that i'll b leavin soon...it'll go by wicked fast, just like this yr did. i already can't wait till like nxt yrs events. its weird to think that i'm practiacally(officially) an adult. its like...amazing...o well, i'll leave w/ this quote:

“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. quotes

its almost the end

2006-05-25T18:07:00.000-05:00

wow, it's almost the end of the school year, only 11 more days to go. last nite was our last concert(not including grad.). we did alrite, the 1st song we kinda sucked...but the other 2 were pretty good. they were hilarious...we played some john williams thing, so we had our teacher have a lifesaver for the star wars song then at the end of the jaws theme song someone screamed...the best scream i have ever heard. it was kinda sad to see the seniors go. its kinda finally gettin to me that i don't have much more time at home...only 3 yrs and if they go as fast as this past 1 has gone by, then i'll b leavin to college soon. its kinda scary, but at the same time exciting. i definatly love the town i live in(surprisingly enough :) and i love all my friends, they're all the best and its nice to have sooo many. i definatly don't wanna go far once i'm done college(by the way, my biggest dream now is to become an anethesiologist...2nd choice is pharmacist...BIG dreams).

tired!!!

2006-05-07T12:32:00.000-05:00

wow, i'm exhausted. i've had a wicked busy week this week, 50 hours i counted for 5 days of work, plus h/w. thank god nyssma is over, i'm proud, 93/100, great for me. well only 25 days of skool left, really 24 cuz we have a trip this fri, which will be fun but i gotta dress up cuz of our band teacher. ugh, well gotta go study, how fun..lol

its over

2006-04-22T18:08:00.000-05:00

ugh, april break is pretty much over. it was pretty good tho, i got to catch up on a ton of sleep...although i didn't do much over break, just went to my g-parents. and it was good weather till today too, up in the 70's for most of the week--really warm for this time of the yr in CNY, we've been so used to 0-30 and lower for the last 6 months. o well, back to skool mon., ugh

APRIL BREAK!!!

2006-04-13T18:47:00.000-05:00

wow, i finally made it to april break, except i'm sick...which really sux.
at least i'll get to sleep in a lot now.
i can't believe it's almost the end of the year, theres only about 2 months left. it kinda does suck, hs is pretty fun and kool, and i'll miss all my friends over summer break.

exhausted

2006-04-03T18:23:00.000-05:00

ugh, that time change last night really screwed me up...i'll be really tired the rest of the week. well today was a boring day, nothing at all happened. yesterday was fun, i was at my neighbor's house most of the day, and we walked(3 miles, a lot for me...lol) to get ice cream, very good!! well the rest of this week will probably b borin...ugh, now i gotta go help my bro do some project, how fun...

FIANLLY DONE!!

2006-03-30T19:17:00.000-05:00

wow, finally done w/ my stupid unit test on anthem...very long, 2 1/2 pgs of just writing about our opinions
cept i just remember that we have to write another essay about it...and for heavan sakes, we read the book 1 1/2 months ago, and now we're just starting to do stuff w/ it...o well
i'm happy tho, er is on tonite, a very good show...can't wait to c it...and tomorrow is FRIDAY...finally...and it also means i can go down to nice & easy to get soft serve ice cream...finally. i'll probably need it, it'll b 70 or 75(warm for me at this time cuz round here we're used to -15-30 from oct. to normally april...but this yr spring came early!!!well, thats all for now

humph...

2006-03-29T20:58:00.000-05:00

wow, i'm very tired today...of course it is wednesday. i'm also sick of the anthem unit test i have to do. it'll probably end up being 3 or 4 pgs of writing. the book was ok, but this test is just stupid. o and we FINALLY finshed Romeo and Juliet. the play wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, but it was still pretty broing and stupid. lunch was funny today, someone did somtin to the window and smashed it...we all heard smash, then silence, then everyone cheered and clapped...lol:) well that's it i guess